Sunday, 21 May 2017

LIFESTYLE | ACCEPTING MY ANXIETY

So after much speculation from my family and going to the doctors and getting a confirmation. I've been told that I have anxiety, and if I'm really honest with you, I'm embarrassed to have it.

In no way am I bashing other people with it, But I just want to communicate my feelings around it. I've always been a strong person, I'm from a family of fighters. I'm African, Ghanaian to be exact. If something knocks us down, we dust ourselves off and deal with it head on. We don't dwell, we don't worry, we're the back bone for people. We are not the type of people that need to be saved we do the saving.

Accepting anxiety
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I can't be the back bone for others if inside, I constantly feel like I'm crumbling.  Sometimes, I feel like I'm going to explode with so many emotions, that it's hard for me to articulate what I am feeling. I've always found it difficult to express when I'm feeling vulnerable, I cannot speak up until it gets too much. As a result, there are a multitude of things which have led to this point, where I'm anxious all the time.  Inside, I feel I'm suffering, tight chest, worrying thoughts about who I am, what people perceive me to be. That I'm not good enough. That'll never be successful in anything professionally and personally. It's a toxic cycle. I have to push myself to not think of these negative thoughts, and it's so tiring, my God.

That's why I always have quotes on my Instagram, as a reminder of how I'm feeling and to be strong. Luckily, I have very supportive family and friends, who love me. It's just I don't trust myself or I am afraid to feel weak to them, by expressing who I am. Being seen as "weak" and not the "I have my shit together Jess".

I haven't always been like this. If you know me, you'll know I'm a confident person with my shit together. I think as people, we have so many layers and partly that is true. I have a great poker face and on the surface you'd never know how I was feeling.
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But as I wrote in my previous post, I've been in need of a break, which I actively do to make my mind and soul breathe and take head of my life. This anxiety, I have, will not always be here. But it is a big indication, that something needs to change in my life. There are several things, I am now confident to say, have broken me down... And I was to scared to say it. Which is why, I personally asked my doctor to refer me to a counselor rather than medication. As I wanted to understand why I'm feeling this and make positive choices, to rectify my life to make me, well me again. I don't feel like Jess, I feel like Jess on autopilot..just going with the flow.

Anxiety itself is tricky to understand. But I found this nifty diagram on Pinterest to explain how I feel. Boy was it helpful.If you're feeling down, please talk to someone. Someone you trust and don't be embarrassed.. I know I am at the moment. Only because of the perception I have of myself. However, what I've realised, now by writing this post is that it's something a lot of people go through. Alot.. and my older sister said something quite insightful..this world is so stressful, I am surprised a lot of other people don't have anxiety.


Phew..so glad that's off my chest!

black British Ghanaian fashion blogger

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7 comments

  1. Sending positive vibes your way babes. Such a brave post x

    ReplyDelete
  2. Love your dress! This is such an important piece and I'm glad you've spoken out about it on this platform x
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  3. Glad you asked your GP for a therapist rather than getting on medication. Proud of you for expressing your feelings regarding anxiety. Sending the biggest hugs your way

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    ReplyDelete
  4. There’s such a stigma about mental health because people can’t
    identify with it. It’s not tangible. You break a wrist and everyone rushes over
    to sign your cast but you suffer from something in the mind and people rush
    away from you. We accept emotions like grief because we can identify with them
    but those emotions that we cannot identify with we turn away from and scowl
    upon because of pure ignorance.

    This is why I have decided I want to write a book about my
    anxiety journey and the stigma of mental health in general. If anyone has any
    opinions or thoughts that they would like to share with me or ideas of things
    they think need to be included in the book please do not hesitate to email me
    at rosie.olivia28@gmail.com :) x

    ReplyDelete
  5. I really appreciate your post and you explain each and every point very well. Thanks for sharing this information. And I’ll love to read your next post too.

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  6. That diagram on Pinterest describes it so well! It's great to have these visual representations and it's a nice way of explaining it to someone who may not have much experience with anxiety. It must have felt so liberating to write about it! With the pressures of everyday life piling up on top of us constantly, it's no wonder anxiety is so common nowadays. I hope that we can all support each other because of this as it really helps to have someone there who understands! I hope that your counselling goes well and that it will help you overcome this! <3

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    x

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  7. Hello, just wanted to say, I loved this article. It was practical

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