First things first, I am running on Ghanaian timing with this blog post, so I am sorry about that. Also, I needed a bit of a life break and decided to take a trip to Berlin with my girl Mel. If you missed my Instagram stories and Snapchats, you can check out my
Instagram highlights, to see how I got on. Now if you know me, you know my dating life has been colorful, lol. I have met many interesting men in my short years, which has made me form an opinion on modern dating today. As I do not, want to be biased, I have also included opinions from some of my friends and bloggers who have given their take on dating today. Now the title is a bit odd, I admit, but yes that literally happened in conversation on one of my dates, but more on that later.
I entered the dating game a bit later than my age mates, mainly because I was doing me and wanted to focus on my education and career. However, I was not naive and frequently heard stories from my friends and family about dating, the dos and don'ts. I heard the good, the bad and the ugly about the opposite sex, in the weird and wonderful world of dating. So when I decided to give it a whirl, I thought I was aptly equipped. Most of the time I was, but there were times when I had no idea, what the hell was going on. And I relied on
Oloni, Lalaletmeexplain blog, my personal network, and common sense to navigate dating. So without further ado, below are my observations.
Dating is much different to how it was back in the day
I know, I hear a huge duh come from your mouths. This is pretty obvious, but hear me out. With social media playing such a prominent factor on how we interact, it is only natural that we seek a potential bae using it. Whether it be sliding into DMS on IG or Twitter. Using dating apps like Tinder or Bumble.. it is all rather normal. There is more choice, which allows for more potential. In my experience, this is good as you meet people that you wouldn't normally meet and that has been great for me. However, there is the ugly side, which is the rise of situationships ( relationships that are relationships without the title). In general, these type of relationships lead to a grey area where both parties or one of those involved will eventually say what are we?
Now don't get me wrong, some people are perfectly happy with this, it works for them. But there is always someone who catches feelings and it just becomes messy. I have lived vicariously through many of these and even I was exhausted. There seems to be a lack of respect for the sanctity of relationships now, due to the fact that there is so much choice. Well at least in my opinion anyway.
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Penpal syndrome is rife
Following on from point one, I know so many people, including myself who have become victim to penpal syndrome, it is rife. I for one have never been for it, it just happened. If you know me well enough, I am a social butterfly with good friends and I am out quite a lot, as you can see on Snap. So being stuck in penpal syndrome grinds my gears. It happens like this, you get talking to a guy, you vibe, you meet up very few times or not at all. You get comfortable with just chatting rarely seeing each other again, and bam you have acquired a penpal that you are attracted to. Your head starts to race as to was it me or is he just lazy, or I really can't be bothered with him, I will keep him on the side just when I am bored. Then the whole thing becomes so MAD and long, you need to cut it. So you then need to pull the plug and find someone who actually likes face to face meetups.
Fuckboys continue to reign, and they come in all shapes and sizes
Fuckboys, ruining lives since the dawn of time.. they created the saying men are trash. Although, I do not believe all men are. However, there are some demons, some demented gargoyles who will really try their luck and play games when they really do not have to.
LEMME SAY IT AGAIN, YOU REALLY DO NOT HAVE TO. And breathe. For educational purposes, and to reduce high blood pressure, I have highlighted a few that I have encountered and a sure way of dealing with them.
1.Classic hot guy fuckboy: He knows he is fine, you try to avoid him because you know, he knows he is fine. But, you still play with fire because, well he is fine. He sweet talks you, shows you attention, does that hot guy squint in all his pics. Goes to gym a lot, makes it known to you that he goes to gym or is about to go, and updates his IG on the regs. His style is on point, people gravitate to him. This then breeds arrogance, and what you later see is a huge disregard for other peoples feelings. He thinks you're hot, yes, but that is it. Everyone wants him, and as a result, he'll whore himself to anyone that will have him, to increase his ego. You are not special to him, you are one of many. So find someone who has time for you. Leave this fuckboy to continue to take his pics for the gram.
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2. The Mr Nice, but false promises fuckboy- This is one I have encountered a lot. Attractive yes, he is less shallow and less cute than our classic fuck boy. You vibe and really think he is different, because shock /horror, you have a genuine conversation with him. You think finally a decent guy. Then when you try to meet up, excuses come one after the other. Even the thought of anything potential turns you off, as he is just not a man of his word. So you lose interest.. and wonder why you wasted your time. He reels you in apologizing (seeming genuine), you accept and realise that no one is perfect, so you give him another chance. Until you become tired, as he still does the same fuckboyery he did before. In the end, you conclude that if anyone was really down to getting to know you, they would make an effort. So you ignore him and put your energy into something more productive.
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3. The horny fuckboy- This fuckboy is basic in his tactic and unlike the other fuckboys, there is less decorum for their final objective being sex. He'll blatantly be trying to sleep with you, will make it obvious and doesn't care that he is. If you're on that, then go ahead. If you're not, cancel him and move on. He will not invest in you.
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There are A LOT of weirdos out there
I've been hyping up this post a lot and I know you all came to read this section. So get a cuppa tea as I have suffered for all of you, so you don't have to! Along with all the other challenges out there some guys are strange.
Meet Mr 50/50 on a coffee and hot chocolate and occasional table flipper- Right. Last October, I got speaking to a guy. I met him on Tinder. We were only speaking for 2 weeks in total before this whole situation was cut off when I concluded that he may be a psycho in the making. He started off normal, was cute, not fully my type, but cute nonetheless. We had a few things in common and I will leave it at that, as it will be so obvious who he is. We chatted, we flirted, it was all above board. Until, I started to see red flags, which I stupidly ignored. In hindsight, it would've saved me aggro if I stopped when I had a niggling feeling, but I like to give people the benefit of the doubt. And anyway, I wouldn't have inspiration for this post now, would I?
Red flag 1- He became low key possessive and insecure. At times, he would say when I was going out. You're not going to dance with or kiss any guys are you? I was baffled! He said this to me twice once, when I went out to Halloween and on my birthday the following week. To which, I replied.. you're not my man. So I can do whatever I want.
Red flag 2- The few days before we would meet- He was feeling sad as he had not had a girlfriend for ages and proceeded to tell me that he felt guilty for how it ended. But she was needy or some rubbish. The next day, I was convinced he was not over her, so said let's not bother meeting. He insisted that he was just feeling down and would love to meet for coffee.
Red flag 3- I met him for coffee, which I hate. I finally met him and was not impressed, he made no effort what so ever, wearing his home jumper. When we were buying our hot drinks, he tapped my shoulder and asked if we could split the hot chocolate and the coffee. This man invited me to Costa, even though I hate coffee, even though I said let's not bother with this and had the confidence to say this. My hot chocolate was £2.40! Let that sink in. Anyway, the date was odd, he was shy.. or now I know a bit angry with me as I was challenging him on a debate we were having. I asked him if he was shy. He said no, he is usually a chilled guy. But he's been known to flip tables when he is really angry.
I realized he was misogynistic and was completely different to what I thought. He said before he liked I was strong and independent but switched at the date and said he loved needy girls, girls that NEED a guy. After the date, he proceeded to call me and engage in a chat, and say he loved needy girls, and I said he was not the type of guy I would like. After all of that nonsense, he called me a few days later as he thought he had portrayed himself differently and kept voice noting to explain himself. I had to tell him, that he needed to work out what he wants, as he created mixed messages and it wasn't that deep as it was one date.
Meet Mr, do you think I am crazy now?- He told me he had problems connecting with people and if he became too full on, I had all the permission to block him. When I was shocked he asked me if I thought he was crazy now? Then laughed. I never spoke to him again, as I didn't fancy being cut up into pieces and scattered in Epping Forest.
Meet Mr. Venezuelan Demon- He is American but Venezuelan descent. From California, but also grew up in Berlin. Anywho he was a waste of time, and when I didn't want to talk to him anymore, I had to block him off everything. I should've known he was weird after the nickname.
Meet the unwanted dick pic army- Those guys, who show us their genitals when I have not requested them. I do not know most of you, and I do not know why sending a piece of you will make me drop my pants? It doesn't it's lame.
Not all men are trash
Despite the aggro, I had some really fun times dating as well! Which leads me to say that not all men are trash. There are good ones out there and I have had some memorable dates! Honestly, if you're both straightforward and you vibe, it can end up with the situation below in my GIF:
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I am a simple and straightforward girl, and sometimes I am happy with pizza and good conversation. Not a Netflix and chill situation, more like let's go out and eat and enjoy each others company situation.
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Other people's experiences..
I didn't want to be biased so here are my friends' experiences with dating.
Adam, The Male Stylist:
“I think one of the big problems with dating currently is the belief that a relationship has to be perfect. I’ve been in a relationship for 3 years and found that it is rarely perfect, in fact it’s hard work. However, that’s the work you have to put in to have someone who is there when you’re sad, angry or just needing a hug after a bad day at work. Anything worth having does not come easy and a loving relationship is the same. There’ll be times when you can’t text each other all day or you have a massive argument and spend the day in silence, you work at it and you grow to love the imperfections in your relationship.
I guess I think everyone needs to know that the best relationships are about finding someone who is the same brand of crazy as you. Someone who loves you for (what you perceive as) your flaws and you love them for theirs. Don’t try and be perfect, just be the best you can be for each other.”
That's it! It was my longest post ever, but I hope you enjoyed it. What is your take on modern dating?
