Ask yourself this, when was the last time you really let yourself go? You finally were tired of being scared of disappointment and decided to say fuck it, let me take a leap of faith. No matter what the outcome, I won't have regrets. I will be free! Free of uncertainty, free of failure and finally free to be myself despite what people think.
This happened to me last week. Well since last year, I had been taking steps to be truly fearless by taking risks in my professional life. So I could feel more fulfilled professionally. However, was that really enough? No not really. The risks I took last year were the spark the set fire to my internal journey to being more open with my feelings.
Now if you know me, you'd probably describe me as a bubbly and ambitious girl, with a lovely heart. Always there to make other people happy and help guide the people I care about to their full potential. However, one of my biggest fears is being vulnerable and exposing my feelings. I don't always express my deepest feelings...I hate feeling emotionally naked. I can't really pinpoint why? Maybe because I don't want to bother people with my problems. I mean there are other people who have greater shit going on. Why should people worry about me? I felt sharing my insecurities was a weak trait.
TOP-H&M (SIMILAR HERE)
See this was the problem. .I thought sharing my deepest feelings made me seem weak. As a result, of this I was hurting myself and I was truly tired. I wanted to change this and I have been doing this. But there was one situation last week, that truly made me fearless and it has changed me for the better.
So without eluding to this situation any further, I'll give you the summary of what happened. So recently, I had become really good friends with this guy. He is truly an a good person and we hit it off quite quickly. This dude is hilarious and weirdly enough ..I could talk to him about anything. It's rare that you find cool people like this and to me,the friendship was just natural. It was like we'd known each other for years. The longer we chatted, about real talk..the more I started to develop feelings. Messages started to get cryptic between both of us and I started seeing him as more as a friend and wandered if he was thinking the same? I was so damn confused and afraid to ruin the friendship.
I mean you hear stories of people getting with their friends and breaking up, and never repairing that friendship and this was just a friendship I didn't want to ruin. So I kept it to myself for 2 weeks, talking to my mate as normal. But inside , I was stressed and I realised I was returning back to my old habits of hurting myself. I needed to let him know, despite not feeling 100% ready.
So one morning, I made a decision. I woke up fearless, decided to take a leap of faith and tell this guy how I felt and ask him how he felt. I knew this could go so bad, and that is what scared me. The loss of friendship. However, I had to tell him. So with the power of whatsapp, I asked him, in a bumbling way and watched with anticipation as the two blue ticks lit up. Let me tell you, I am a confident gyal, but this was a scary situation.
To my surprise it didn't turn out bad. Without going into the details, it became a situation where there was attraction there,but it wasn't the right time for both of us. We wanted to remain friends,
which I am ok about.
which I am ok about.
I always believe that people come into your life for a reason. Maybe he's there to make me more open and maybe I'm there to help him realise his potential. I don't know!
What I do know, is that this conversation ignited something in me. It made me less afraid and truly happy to be vulnerable at times. It started to get me thinking of other aspects of my life and made me realise that I truly deserve more, in every aspect of my life. Which I am putting plans in motion for.
By taking this leap of faith, I am less afraid of expressing my feelings. It is still a process let me tell you! However, I survived and guess what? Me and the dude are still friends and talk regularly. So please, don't let fear dictate your choices. Fear is crippling, don't live a life of regrets. You may miss your chance at something great.Thanks to the guys over at JD Williams for supplying the boots. I loved styling them up!